Change, Can you hear me? and My own version of success

    My mind would not rest, like the ocean waves – words, sentences, paragraphs, all flowed through my head keeping me awake much longer than I desired. It might have been the sign of a writer fever, but last night I was reminded of how little I wrote over the last two weeks and how the writer part of me was screaming to come out or else, many more sleepless nights will follow!!! This time around the silence on the blog was prompted by the flood of other things in my life, besides words and sentences. And since I totally forgot how to write in the last few weeks, I’ll go back to listing things, the best start I can think of at the moment. My list for not visiting my blog . . .

    Change. The last three years of my life have been incredibly consistent. I’m at my desk or in the pool during the week. At a wedding in some stunning location on Saturday. In church and on the volleyball court on Sundays (on warm summer afternoons of course!). Pre wedding and after wedding workflow has become a part of me. Blogging. Emailing. Making slideshows. Emailing. Blogging. Welcome CHANGE! This spring has been the slowest for me. I haven’t had open weekends since, well, I can’t remember. The open calendar made me incredibly uneasy at first, made me question if I’m doing the right things in my business, made me scared. Yet change, although painful, has always been good for me. I can freely talk about the struggle now, because the change has benefited me in ways I didn’t anticipate. I was all the sudden open to opportunities and relationships that would not have been possible if I was extra busy with work. I was also forced to look at my life and reevaluate everything I do with “Is this how I want to live my life questions?” All of this has been extremely good for me! I jokingly told my dad that I might be going through a midlife crisis, to which he uncontrollably laughed for the next five minutes . . . apparently he doesn’t think so, so I’m all good, world! I can’t pin point all the benefits just yet, but to sum up the change, I’m so grateful for it.

    Can you hear me? I don’t remember ever being concerned about being heard. Not that I don’t value my blog readers, it really means the world to me when I hear of someone reading a blog post, commenting on a photo, or remembering a story I wrote from ages ago. But the reason that I was able to share my life on the Web in the first place, was overcoming the many unhealthy fears I had to begin with. Once I started writing for me, once I stopped carrying about the audience and their response, blog posts flowed, my life leaked out onto blog pages with many photos to celebrate the journey. Somehow in the last few weeks I’ve allowed myself to listen to the negative, to listen to the fears. It might have been the few times I’ve noticed that people are not listening; I cut a story short and no one asked for its ending. The funny thing is, I’m thankful for this! Mostly, because it reminded me of where I once was and for how blessed I am to have enjoyed these past few years without the fears, without caring if anyone is watching, and being happy no matter if someone heard me or not!

    Exposure. A twin to being heard, is being understood! Exposing myself on the Web daily brings its own set of challenges. When my sisters or dad is reading my blog (thanks dad, I know you check once in a while), it’s all good. I can’t fool them with a joke or an exaggeration, because they know me tooooooo well! Many of my blog readers are like minded (actually if you’re not, I suggest you find another blog, right about now) I kid, I kid world! I used to very much long for being understood, sometimes it still comes out in my conversations when I ask a friend if he/she has at least the slightest idea of what I’m talking about, but you can’t do that on the Internet. I have to remind myself that it really doesn’t matter and the people I really care about, they get me. Rubbing some people in the wrong direction is good, because it means I’m doing something right!

    Books. As you can tell, I really need help with not just listing items, but keeping it all in parallel form! But I heard somewhere that good writer break rules, so I’d like to think of myself as in that category of people. If you have seen me glued to my iPad in the last two weeks, it’s not because I’m on Instagram (ok maybe half the time ;). I was reading this book and am still reading this book, which really challenged me in more ways than not! Can’t wait to tell you all about them on Thursday!

    Spring Break. Oh you didn’t know I’m in college? No worries, me neither, but if someone tells you something long enough, you start to believe it! Dinah was on spring break last week and since everyone else assumes I’m in college too, I legally took a spring break with her. What can I say, it was a blast, Dinah finally took me to that one coffee shop she’s been telling me for semesters now and I even felt the pool water (ah it felt soooo good!).

    This quote. “True success is how you spend your time, not how much money you have.” Choosing what to do with my time is the best gift ever. I’m so thankful to run my own business, to spend time with people I love, and never once do I want to go back to the safety of a stable job and the lavish paychecks with a big price tag.

    If I didn’t lose some of you until this paragraph, I feel extremely successful and I hope I have something better for you tomorrow! Cheers, Yuliya

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    April 2, 2013